Half time reflections

I am now roughly halfway through my stay here in Loja and it seems like that coupled with my mozzie travails and my little flirt with death on the mountain has put me in a reflective state of mind. I am currently unable to say if the halfway stage is a good or a bad thing. On the one hand it means I'm halfway to seeing my girlfriend and starting a new little chapter of adventure with travels around south america and beyond. On the other hand I feel like I'm starting to develop a nice routine here, am building strong relationships with some of my students and fellow teachers and am just starting to get a firm grip on the language.

A word that keeps popping into my head is freedom. You could definitively say that one of the most positive aspects of my life here is freedom. From the moment I wake up until the start of classes at 3pm I can essentially do what I want, which is nice of course. The problem is that freedom and loneliness can be defined similarly, and the two often appear hand in hand. So as I freely stroll around town or lie in the hammock with the day stretching ahead of me I can't help but feel the heavy hand of loneliness on my shoulder, dragging me back slightly as I go about my business, and I guess that wears me down somewhat.

This isn't meant to come across as moany or ungrateful for the opportunity I've got here. I can already hear the voices of my family and friends back home saying 'you're living the dream in a lovely warm country while we shiver here and count down to Christmas, stop complaining!', but I guess it does us all good to have a bit of a moan once in a while...

What it comes down to is that I just miss having my family and friends around. To be honest I don't particularly miss England at all, I more miss having people who truly care about me and are just a phone call away (Skype does NOT count) if I feel like calling. The natural response to meeting people from other countries who have cut all ties to come and live out here is one of respect and envy, but on further reflection I wonder how I would feel in their shoes? Is it such an enviable thing to have no real connection to your roots, to want to leave behind all that you grew up with? I'm not so sure.

So I am determined to make the most of my remaining time out here, and then of the time I spend in other places seeing where my money and interest will take me. The important thing is to remind myself that the vague sense of certain important people missing isn't loneliness at all, rather the feeling that you're more needed and wanted in one part of the world than in another. I guess that isn't really such a bad thing.